The following is an excerpt from my novel A Beautiful Autymn.
Context: Grace nicknamed “Amazing Grace” is Autymn’s mother who passed several years ago. Before her passing, she made special arrangements for the letter below to be received by Autymn at the appropriate age. Autymn and her mother were very close and their bond transcends space, time, life, and death.
My dearest Autymn,
You’re about 25 years old now. I wrote this letter and arranged for it to be sent to you around this time. I want you to know that even though we haven’t laid eyes on each other in thirteen years, I’m still your mother and I love you very much. I’m pretty sure that you know that, but in the unforeseeable event that you forget, I have to remind you.
I can only imagine how beautiful you are now. Even as a child, you were absolutely gorgeous. Everybody else could see it but you. I hope that’s changed. That brings me to the point of this letter. I knew that I wouldn’t be there to see you walk down the aisle or help you pick out curtains for your first apartment, but I did want to pass on to you some of life’s most important lessons.
On Life…The world can be a cruelly beautiful place. It’s cruel because things are inconsistent and at times unmanageable, and beautiful because people come along to help lighten our load. You were the child that always talked to strangers. And so your personality will lead you to people from all sorts of places. Undoubtedly, you’ve met people that make you realize things that you love about yourself, and other people have made you see things that you hate about yourself. Remember that no matter what anyone thinks, as long as you can look yourself in the mirror, you haven’t turned out that bad kiddo. And if you’re still the little girl that had an innocent propensity to bend the rules, you’ve probably made and will make some really good bad decisions. Make them just the same darling, and learn from your mistakes. If you find that you keep going through the same situations over and over again, it means that you haven’t learned what you were supposed to yet. Hurry up and learn the lesson so you can move on with your life and not re-experience the same old pains and disappointments.
On Love…Contrary to what some people may tell you, you can never trust your feelings. They shift and change over time. Women have instincts for a reason, so always trust those. Don’t let anyone try to control your feelings or manipulate you into believing that what you feel is wrong. Because like I always used to say, and I’ll say it from my grave: “Feelings are feelings, they’re not right or wrong.” Take it easy on whoever you decide to love. You’re not nearly as hard on other people as you are on yourself, but you’ll give your true love a tough time. Don’t talk yourself out of love or good fortune because you don’t think you deserve it either. You never knew how brilliant and worthy you were. You’ll know you’ve found the one when the two of you are together, and you finally feel brilliant and worthy.
On Letting Go…Ever since kindergarten, I never saw a child who could hold on to a grudge harder than you. You’ll have to learn how to let things go sweet heart. Remember, when you’re holding on to something that means you have a closed fist. And a closed fist isn’t open to receiving any new blessings. Never go back to the past, whether it’s an old flame, or old wrong doing. Be gentle enough to give someone a second chance but smart enough to know when to walk away.
I hope this letter challenges you. I hope now you understand why I named you Autymn. Autymn was my favorite season. It signifies change, a dying, and beauty all in one. Change and death are scary but they are beautiful nonetheless. I named you Autymn to remind you of the constant change that is necessary to be successful in this world. Surely you have succeeded already, but remember the true sign of victory is the ability to adapt to our environment and accept the natural flow of things. Autymn, I love you more than anything else. I love you just as much as you love me. I bet you come to see me often. Do me a favor. Plant me those pretty pink flowers in front of my gravestone. Remember the ones that you insisted on every year because you loved the color pink?
I will always love you,
~Your Amazing Grace.
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