I only exist in cyberspace.

I have no name, age, preference or gender.

No stock market, bank account or monetary tender.

I have no features, no feelings, no race.

I only exist in cyberspace.

Hyperlinks and pingbacks are how you reach me,

No personal contact, no misinterpretations,

No rights or wrongs or expectations.

I don’t read body language or the lines in your face.

I only exist in cyberspace.

 HTML, Blogs, Tags, Clicks,  and Coding,

Is what I do while the world is emoting.

I have no fears, no fate, or silly girl dreams

You find me in posts, RSS feeds, and streams.

I have no rent, cell phone bills, and no cozy fireplace.

I only exist in cyberspace.

I don’t have thoughts, Divine callings, no need for sleep.

Only Spell Check, Grammar Check, Margins and Delete .

No loses, or wins, and if necessary:

Cut, Paste, Reformat any commentary.

No need for apologies, self-improvement or grace.

I only exist in cyberspace.

Search me in Google, Type in my name.

Find what you will, it’s all the same.

I have no purpose, no passion, no face.

I only exist in cyberspace

I’ve searched the earth and the heavens above

I’ve sailed all seven seas looking for a life of love

And most times, I find a percentage of what I seek,

There can be no greater find than sincere love to me.

I’m not talking about errotic that makes you high,

I’m talking about a real love for which you would die.

Didn’t know my dad and my mother and me dont agree,

I still don’t understand the way she chooses to love me.

I’ve looked for love in vodka, gin, and juice,

In the hope of finding love, even my body has been misused.

Some kisses planted on my body, I can’t shake away,

I didn’t want them then; I just wanted someone to stay.

I’ve put the bottle down and picked it back up again

And yes I’ve tried to find true love in my friends.

A treasure map of my travels will lead you to see,

How far I’ve traveled to find true love by the sea.

Follow the dots, you’ll know where not to venture,

If you’re looking for love not subject to indenture.

Some ventures were thrilling, and others were fun.

It’s exciting somtimes when you’re in love on the run.

But when you board the boat again and out at sea,

To love and be loved is all one wants to be.

I woke up this morning and God didn’t answer my prayer last night…

I prayed and prayed that someday yes someday, I would wake up perfect.

Instead, I woke up this morning as the same old me…

Who is me? I am she that is…

Silly not Stupid.

Friendly not Foolish.

Given not Granted.

Aware and not Avoidant.

I am she that is…

Forgetful not Forgettable,

Thoughtful not Thorough,

Caring not Clueless

Charming not Cunning-less

I am…Imperfect not Inconceivable.

Other Poems on Self:

No More I’m Sorry’s

How she came to be called Autymn

A Fairytale of 3 Wishes

Skeptic

Paper and Pen

God,

I praise you in the still of night, and at the break of day.

I praise you on my knees in sorrow, when you wipe my tears away.

I thank you for the good times but for the trials evermore,

I thank you for the harsher times that make my soul mature.

God, I thank You for the name of Jesus to call when times are rough,

I thank You in every season, even when Your love comes tough.

Mostly I thank You that the still of night is followed by the break of day,

And even as I bruise my knees in tears, thank You for wiping my tears away.

I think I’ve been in-love,

I’m sure I’ve been in-like,

I’ve wandered in between the two

for the past few years of my life.

This poem isn’t about fairytales,

Nor the story of a woman scorned.

It’s a tribute to those who made my heart yearn

ferociously enough to make me learn

Let’s talk about the one and only time

I think I may have been in love,

I scribbled the same name in my Geometry notes.

Pondering the affair was the real problem I was thinking of.

We stayed on the phone in the night-owl hours,

We swooned the time away.

How silly and sweet my expectation for love was,

I can envision those Varsity Letters to this day.

Next was the one who held me tight

as we welcomed the next dawning day.

My soul never felt so at peace,

And still…no one has ever held me that way…

I don’t miss the absconded exit, and

our “not so happily ever-after”

But I’d be a liar if I tried to say

That I didn’t miss the mutual laughter.

After that I vowed to myself

that I’d never love again;

Joke was on me high definition in 3-D

Because I stumbled upon my “in-like” number 3.

I can’t tell you why I fell for that one.

I was lonely and just wanted the attention.

Bad me! I learned my lesson and after that summer of depression

I’ll never settle for love and a question….

You’d think I would’ve had enough by then,

But I’m a stubborn girl at heart,

I threw the dice and bet the house on

Number 4 who made the house fall apart…

It was a voice so sweet coupled with gestures so calming,

Nothing about our rendezvous seemed alarming.

Then I was liking under the influence of a young girls confluence

And out the door went my naive innocence.

With time I see, number 4 was no better than number 3,

4 took my heart but not before tearing it apart,

And dared to understand E.A.B.

There’s been a few more in-likes

but none like the ones who came before.

And if nor nothing else, I attribute those with making my soul mature.

No this wasn’t a love story of knights and maidens,

But notes I’ve taken, on good ole’ hearts breaking.

And the happiness sold at the price of organs aching…

I will no longer apologize for…

the depth of my feelings, the sensitivity of my soul, the depth of my thought, nor impulses I can’t control.

I will no longer apologize if….

you can’t understand the emotional demands that give life to this restless writers’ hands.

I will no longer apologize because….

I think too much, but I am sorry that you don’t think enough.

I will no longer apologize to…

make up for the insignificance you feel when I reveal the depth of my spiritual reel.

The word inappropriate and awkward are not allowed in my vocabulary. They’re for the small minded of the world’s most contrary. All my life I’ve heard how I’m not like the rest. Thank God! I say that I dare to be my best. I will not forfeit the concoction that makes me the non-replicable E.A.B.

I’m an imperfect person and that’s harder for me to accept that you. So I’ll be rendering myself compassion, “Please don’t mind if I do.” Here’s a tipped hat to you madam and mister for taking time to read. I hope you’re sorry no longer either, for you’re sure to be wonderful indeed!

Your Presence, My Disdain

My Nausea, Your Name

Your Pleasure, My Pain

My Gamble, Your Gain

Your Being, My Bane

Your Love, My Insane

He taught us that “Black is Beautiful!” and his name is still heard in the hums and ha’s of reggae, jazz, and blues music. Lauryn Hills sings about “how they sold Marcus Garvey for rice” and one gets curious about his story. His legacy lives in the colors of the Black Liberation Flag, the Flag of Ghana, and he was named one of 100 Greatest African-Americans by black scholar Molefi Kete Asante. The story of Marcus Mosiah Garvey Jr. deserves special attention during Black History Month. He was the man who is said to have  inspired the greatest mass movement of people with African descent and his lasting legacy is evidence of that.

Who he was:

Marcus Garvey was born in St. Ann’s Bay Jamaica on August 17, of 1887. His father was a mason and his mother was a farmer. From his youth, Garvey’s love for reading was fed by his father and uncle’s vast book collection. Garvey worked as an apprentice while in Jamaica and later served as the vice-president of a Kingston Printing Union. At that time he was a master printer at P.A. Benjamin Limited. Garvey’s post as vice-president ended in termination because of his affiliation with a workers’ strike in 1908. At the age of 21, Garvey was partaking in strikes which was a foreshadowing of his future of strikes, rebellion, and organizing groups of the downtrodden. Garvey’s first newspaper The Watchman was published in 1910 but only successfully printed three issues. This small set-back was not enough to hinder Garvey. In surveying the details of his life, one may infer that Garvey was not so easily moved by oppression or setbacks. Rather, these obstacles set him on different courses to discover different destinies.

At the age of 23, Garvey began traveling Central America. In Costa Rica, Garvey served as a time keeper on a banana plantation. Garvey returned to working with the press when he began working for La Nacionale in 1911. He also worked for the press in Colon, Panama later in 1911 before returning to Jamaica. From the years of 1912-1914, Garvey lived in London and was educated at Birkbeck College where he worked for the African Times and Orient Review.

The travels of Marcus Garvey exposed him to the African diaspora in the Caribbean and in Europe. Because of his personal experience, Garvey was convinced that in order to secure the success of blacks, they would need to be unified. On this premise, Garvey founded the UNIA the Universal Negro Improvement Association. This association headlined a Pan-African movement with the intention of creating a mass movement of blacks returning to their homeland of Africa. This initiative, commonly known as Garvey-ism, tried to establish black institutions in Liberia to “redeem Africa and for European powers to leave it.”

Back to Africa

Garvey’s idea was needless to say incredibly lofty. It was supported and unsupported by various individuals. Although, by August of 1920, UNIA had four million registered members and supporters. On August 1, 1920, Madison Square Garden was packed with over 25,000 people to hear Garvey speak at his International Convention of the UNIA that hosted world-wide delegates. 1920 was also the year that Garvey’s Liberia program breathed its first breath. In Garvey’s sight, Liberia would provide a home for blacks complete with universities, factories, industrial plants and railroads.  The Black Star Line was the convoy of ships that would usher blacks back to their homeland. The first ship was the S.S. Yarmouth which saw its first voyage in 1919. Garvey’s Black Star Line was far more than a collection of ships. Rather, it symbolized a promotion of black trade, black entrepreneurship and success. Unfortunately, due to corruption, dissatisfied workers, and accounting errors, the Black Star Line was not a successful endeavor of Garvey.

The Bureau of Investigation:

No story of greatness is complete without the element of back handed opposition and Dick Tracey-like investigations. Garvey was not the exception to this standard. Before the dawning of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Bureau of Investigation was the general intelligence agency of the United States of America. The case of Garvey was the twinkle in the eye of future investigations into black leaders by federal agencies. J. Edgar Hoover was the special assistant of the Attorney General of the BOI. Hoover, who was the same culprit in the COINTELPRO operative who deemed the Black Panthers the most lethal threat to US internal security, wrote a memo on October 11, 1919 regarding Garvey. Because of this letter, an investigation into Garvey began in November of 1919, a month later.

Getting rid of Garvey:

The BOI wanted to deport Garvey as “an undesirable alien”. In order to achieve that, Garvey was charged of mail fraud involving his Black Star Line. The US Postal Service was in cahoots with the BOI in this investigation, and postal employees lied under oath and perjured themselves in this case against Garvey. The ground of the argument presented by the BOI was that the Black Star Line did not produce a ship named the Phillis Wheatley although that ship was portrayed on brochures and mailings to UNIA members. The ship possessed by the Black Star Line was still labeled the Orion. A misnomer sent Garvey to jail though he was not accompanied by the other four members of the Black Star Line who were also accused of mail fraud. This was a blatant demonstration that the BOI was after Garvey and Garvey alone.

Amongst his contemporaries:

Though Garvey inspired the greatest mass movement of blacks towards unity, he was not lauded amongst all of his black scholarly contemporaries. Specifically, W.E.B. DuBois, a fellow Caribbean-American was not a Garvey fan. DuBois accused Garvey of undermining his work with advancing blacks in America. Garvey labeled DuBois a white man’s negro, a mulatto, a Dutch etc…Suffice it is to conclude that these two black leaders did not share a cohesive bond intellectually. This problem with DuBois led to poor relations with N.A.A.C.P.

Garvey and the KKK:

What seems most shocking about Garvey’s politics aside from his radical idea of taking people back to Africa, was his dealings with the Klu Klux Klan. Garvey attended a KKK conference in Atlanta, GA with Edward Young Clark. This camaraderie with a group clearly set on destroying blacks raised eyebrows in the black community. Garvey’s reasoning for this communication with the KKK was that he enjoyed their sincerity and honesty. He found their unquestionable loathing of blacks more acceptable than friendly acting double faced whites. Although his explanation seems logical, this collusion was indeed a major blow to his political clout with other black leaders at the time.

Garvey’s alignment with white supremacists did not stop with this meeting with the KKK. In 1937, the white supremacists and segregation supporting Mississippi senator Theodore Bilbo proposed to the US Congress a bill that was called the Greater Liberia Act.  As part of Roosevelt’s New Deal, Bilbo proposed an amendment to the federal work relief program that would federally fund the shipping of blacks back to Africa in order to relive the unemployment rate that was haunting America at the time. Theodore Bilbo’s ideas were spelled out in his book: Take your choice Separation or Mongreliztation. The Peace Movement of Ethiopia was a group of Garvey supporters that collaborated with Bilbo on this bill. Garvey’s response is jaunting as well as he notes that Bilbo had “done wonderfully for the Negro”.

How his legacy lives:

Marcus Garvey’s influence amongst the black movement towards Pan-African philosophy has been somewhat lost but is now remembered. The colors of the black liberation flag are black for the people, red for the blood shed for freedom, and green for the natural wealth of Africa. This flag that flies in African-American homes is the official flag of Garvey’s Universal Negro Improvement Association. Ghana’s country flag is graced with a black star in the middle of it. This star pays special tribute to Garvey’s Black Star Line. Kwame Nkrumal of Ghana named the national soccer team the Black Stars and named the national shipping company the Black Star Line.

Rastafarian’s are a particular group that recognize the influence of Garvey. To the Rastafarian’s, Garvey was prophet who prophesied the reign of Haile Salessi I of Ethiopia. Garvey is also recognized as a prophet by the Afro-Athlican pro-rasta movement. Correlations to Garvey as a religious deity or with some sort of religious calling are seen in his being labeled the Black Moses (like Harriet Tubman). Some even think Garvey is the reincarnation of St. John the Baptist.

Whether he is thought of in a religious rite or otherwise, Marcus Garvey is important to black history. The symbolic use of ships to take people back to Africa unties to the psychological rope that ensnares blacks as they recall being brought to America in chains aboard slave ships. His vision may have failed practically, but the germination of the ideas of liberation and mass organizing began with Garvey. Questions to consider while analyzing Garvey’s plans are how well would African-Americans have assimilated into African culture? After all, the language, culture, and custom of the motherland of Africa were lost by the 1920′s to the average black American. When brought to Africa, blacks would face an entirely new assimilation process. Would Liberians except blacks as true Africans? Or, would be blacks be considered American-Africans there? This curious existence of blacks as not quite African and not quite American have baffled intellectuals throughout the ages. If the Black Star Line was successful and Garvey was not eventually deported back to Jamaica, what would America look like now?

Other Posts by Eryn on Black History Month:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

The following is an excerpt from my novel A Beautiful Autymn.

Context: Grace nicknamed “Amazing Grace” is  Autymn’s mother who passed several years ago. Before her passing, she made special arrangements for the letter below to be received by Autymn at the appropriate age. Autymn and her mother were very close and their bond transcends space, time, life, and death.

My dearest Autymn,

You’re about 25 years old now. I wrote this letter and arranged for it to be sent to you around this time. I want you to know that even though we haven’t laid eyes on each other in thirteen years, I’m still your mother and I love you very much. I’m pretty sure that you know that, but in the unforeseeable event that you forget, I have to remind you.

I can only imagine how beautiful you are now. Even as a child, you were absolutely gorgeous. Everybody else could see it but you. I hope that’s changed. That brings me to the point of this letter. I knew that I wouldn’t be there to see you walk down the aisle or help you pick out curtains for your first apartment, but I did want to pass on to you some of life’s most important lessons.

On Life…The world can be a cruelly beautiful place. It’s cruel because things are inconsistent and at times unmanageable, and beautiful because people come along to help lighten our load. You were the child that always talked to strangers.  And so your personality will lead you to people from all sorts of places. Undoubtedly, you’ve met people that make you realize things that you love about yourself, and other people have made you see things that you hate about yourself. Remember that no matter what anyone thinks, as long as you can look yourself in the mirror, you haven’t turned out that bad kiddo. And if you’re still the little girl that had an innocent propensity to bend the rules, you’ve probably made and will make some really good bad decisions. Make them just the same darling, and learn from your mistakes. If you find that you keep going through the same situations over and over again, it means that you haven’t learned what you were supposed to yet. Hurry up and learn the lesson so you can move on with your life and not re-experience the same old pains and disappointments.

On Love…Contrary to what some people may tell you, you can never trust your feelings. They shift and change over time. Women have instincts for a reason, so always trust those. Don’t let anyone try to control your feelings or manipulate you into believing that what you feel is wrong. Because like I always used to say, and I’ll say it from my grave: “Feelings are feelings, they’re not right or wrong.” Take it easy on whoever you decide to love. You’re not nearly as hard on other people as you are on yourself, but you’ll give your true love a tough time. Don’t talk yourself out of love or good fortune because you don’t think you deserve it either. You never knew how brilliant and worthy you were. You’ll know you’ve found the one when the two of you are together, and you finally feel brilliant and worthy.

On Letting Go…Ever since kindergarten, I never saw a child who could hold on to a grudge harder than you. You’ll have to learn how to let things go sweet heart. Remember, when you’re holding on to something that means you have a closed fist. And a closed fist isn’t open to receiving any new blessings. Never go back to the past, whether it’s an old flame, or old wrong doing. Be gentle enough to give someone a second chance but smart enough to know when to walk away.

I hope this letter challenges you. I hope now you understand why I named you Autymn. Autymn was my favorite season. It signifies change, a dying, and beauty all in one. Change and death are scary but they are beautiful nonetheless. I named you Autymn to remind you of the constant change that is necessary to be successful in this world. Surely you have succeeded already, but remember the true sign of victory is the ability to adapt to our environment and accept the natural flow of things. Autymn, I love you more than anything else. I love you just as much as you love me. I bet you come to see me often. Do me a favor. Plant me those pretty pink flowers in front of my gravestone. Remember the ones that you insisted on every year because you loved the color pink?

I will always love you,

~Your Amazing Grace.

If you enjoyed this piece, please also read:

Wise words of my mother

Recently, I’ve been guilty of being just a little bit of a Skeptic,

I’m a little realistic, just a bit imaginatively ascetic.

Contradicting my inclination to blind-foldedly believe,

That no mind could concoct notions so deviant to deceive,

I’ve heard my fair share of the tallest tales

Cling to the logic when your emotions fail!

With every tear I shed, a piece of my innocence died.

A metamorphosis, girl to woman, before my own eyes.

I allow myself to dream here and there, every so often I dare.

But when it comes time for differentials, fantasies I’ll spare.

There’s nothing wrong with a dreamer, how I admire them so!

I wish I could release my heart and mind as easily as they let go!

But I admire at a safe distance, from a skeptical point of view,

If you’d picked up as many pieces as I, so would you.

It’s not so bad being a skeptic, I manage somehow to get by,

I’ll never let myself dodge the truths of what I know to be a lie.

The hopeless romantic lives in me 23% of the time,

& the love of my live is on the way I’m sure,

Until then, I’ll write about it in riddles n’ rhyme,

As even us skeptics can believe in folk-lore.

Other Poems on Love… or something like it by Autymn:

Peptic

Intrigue

Shoulda Coulda

***Words Unspoken

Secret Crush

***Love Responsibly